Benson: Difference between revisions
No edit summary |
No edit summary |
||
(7 intermediate revisions by the same user not shown) | |||
Line 14: | Line 14: | ||
| level = 5 Thug | | level = 5 Thug | ||
| status = Dead | | status = Dead | ||
| location = Second Chance Antiques | | location = Second Chance Antiques (formerly)<br/>Ashina | ||
| allies = [[Carl Johnson]] | | allies = [[Carl Johnson]]<br/>[[Vito Corleone]] | ||
| enemies = [[Woody]]<br/>[[Mrs. Nesbitt]]<br/>[[Big Smoke]] | | enemies = [[Woody]]<br/>[[Mrs. Nesbitt]]<br/>[[Big Smoke]]<br/>[[Harry the Fly]]<br/>[[Kimi Räikkönen]]<br/>[[Genichiro]] | ||
}} | }} | ||
{{Q|I had nothing to do with that son of a bitch.|Slappy on Benson}} | {{Q|I had nothing to do with that son of a bitch.|Slappy on Benson}} | ||
'''Benson''' is a ventriloquist dummy who happens to look a lot like [[Slappy]] from ''Goosebumps''. Except he is indeed Slappy's bastard cousin, hired by [[Pixar]] with reckless disregard for copyright despite its parent company being overzealous about it. | '''Benson''' is a ventriloquist dummy who happens to look a lot like [[Slappy]] from ''Goosebumps''. Except he is indeed Slappy's bastard cousin, hired by [[Pixar]] with reckless disregard for copyright despite its parent company being overzealous about it. | ||
Benson and his near-identical peers exist for [[Imbecile|absolutely no reason]], apart from being a pack of subservient enforcers for local crime boss [[Gabby Gabby|Gabrielle "Big Gabby" Vespucci]], who ran a protection racket using an antique store as a front for their illegal operations. Gabby appears to be rather confused about his name, occasionally calling him Binson or Vincent especially when his employer is drunk. He once tried starting a union inside the antique store, but none of its denizens expressed interest. He also moonlighted as a rally driver under the pseudonym "[[Ken Block]]". | Benson and his near-identical peers exist for ''[[Imbecile|absolutely no reason]]'', apart from being a pack of subservient enforcers for local crime boss [[Gabby Gabby|Gabrielle "Big Gabby" Vespucci]], who ran a protection racket using an antique store as a front for their illegal operations. Gabby appears to be rather confused about his name, occasionally calling him Binson or Vincent especially when his employer is drunk. He once tried starting a union inside the antique store, but none of its denizens expressed interest. He also moonlighted as a rally driver under the pseudonym "[[Ken Block]]". | ||
Prior to his career as a dummy, Benson had served as a shinobi bodyguard for some kid named Kuro, who for some reason possessed [[Warez|immortality]]. Years of mercilessly slaughtering low-rent clowns and feudal lords have taken a toll on Benson, hence why he eventually went back to the Tri-County area in search of work opportunities. | |||
==Trivia== | ==Trivia== | ||
Line 30: | Line 32: | ||
*Is known to have a fierce rivalry with [[Mrs. Nesbitt]]. | *Is known to have a fierce rivalry with [[Mrs. Nesbitt]]. | ||
[[Category: | [[Category:Ninjas]] | ||
[[Category:People who commit antics]] | [[Category:People who commit antics]] | ||
[[Category:Vegetables]] | [[Category:Vegetables]] |
Latest revision as of 12:50, 28 April 2024
- Not to be confused with Barry B. Benson.
Benson is a ventriloquist dummy who happens to look a lot like Slappy from Goosebumps. Except he is indeed Slappy's bastard cousin, hired by Pixar with reckless disregard for copyright despite its parent company being overzealous about it.
Benson | |
---|---|
Benson | |
Vital statistics | |
Title | Disney's biggest ripoff since Lion King. |
Gender | Indeterminate |
Born | ca. 250 B.C. |
Died | ca. 2556 |
Health | 0.001 |
Level | 5 Thug |
Status | Dead |
Location | Second Chance Antiques (formerly) Ashina |
Allies | Carl Johnson Vito Corleone |
Enemies | Woody Mrs. Nesbitt Big Smoke Harry the Fly Kimi Räikkönen Genichiro |
“I had nothing to do with that son of a bitch.”
Benson and his near-identical peers exist for absolutely no reason, apart from being a pack of subservient enforcers for local crime boss Gabrielle "Big Gabby" Vespucci, who ran a protection racket using an antique store as a front for their illegal operations. Gabby appears to be rather confused about his name, occasionally calling him Binson or Vincent especially when his employer is drunk. He once tried starting a union inside the antique store, but none of its denizens expressed interest. He also moonlighted as a rally driver under the pseudonym "Ken Block".
Prior to his career as a dummy, Benson had served as a shinobi bodyguard for some kid named Kuro, who for some reason possessed immortality. Years of mercilessly slaughtering low-rent clowns and feudal lords have taken a toll on Benson, hence why he eventually went back to the Tri-County area in search of work opportunities.
TriviaEdit
- He was awarded "Sexiest Man of the Year" by Sports Illustrated, beating both Woody and Darth Vader.
- He is not related to Slappy in any way.
- Contrary to popular belief, he does not like jazz.
- Is known to smoke the finest catnip in all of New Jersey.
- Is known to have a fierce rivalry with Mrs. Nesbitt.